Dear parents (from your child starting back at school)
Dear parents,School is back now, and I know that means different things, and lots of things. I know it means that the new year has begun, and that there’s strain and pressure in the air to get everything right, to get everything organised to start life again after the Summer holidays.And I know that the beginning of the New Year is stressful, that you’re trying hard to get everything in order, and make sure everyone is organised, and that we start the New Year off with a bang.(But sometimes, that ‘bang’ is what hurts the most) Because while everyone else going back to school is stressing and worrying about if their teacher will be nice, or what colour pencil case they should get, or what to laminate their books with, or if they’ll be sharing classes and sitting with their friends….There are kids who are worrying about if they’ll even have friends.There are kids who are terrified that their teacher might not understand them- might call them hurtful names, or make fun of them because of how their brains work.There’s kids who feel sick to their tummy’s when they think about the new schedules and routines, and who are hoping that they understand it... Or at the very least, someone will help them to understand it, rather than make fun of them… or worse? ignore them entirely.There are kids who wish that their worries surrounding school were as small as choosing pencil cases and coloured Textas. And while I’m out of school now (though still consistently feel sick to my tummy when the idea of new friendship groups, and new routines are put in front of me), I know what it’s like to be in that situation, to feel lost and confused and so, so unbelievably terrified about what the new school year will bring.And from your children, whether they may be starting kindergarten, or primary school, or high school, or even university…This is what we want you to know, and how you can help us.
- Understand our fears, and our worries. Do not undermine them- because they are valid.
The world is a difficult, confusing and worrying place at the best of times. Even when we have our schedules, and our routines, and understand how things are going to work- even without the stress of new teachers and new friends and new subjects, the world can be really, really scary. So joining all of this into the mix? Our world ends up a torpedo of scary, and sometimes negative energy. Please understand us, and understand that the days where we hide in bed with a pretend tummy ache just to get out of school… maybe it’s not all that pretend. Maybe our anxiety is making our tummies feel like the Melbourne Cup is taking place inside of us, and maybe our head is spinning like we’ve just gotten off of a scary ride at a Theme Park. Maybe (definitely) our fears and worries are bigger than what they may seem.
- Speak up for us
School is hard. And it makes it even harder when we have people surrounding us that don’t understand how our wonderful, incredible minds work, and push it off on simply being ‘lazy’ because we don’t do the work (when the teacher never explained it to us in a way we can understand), or ‘unorganised’ because we need a certain layout to work properly.Speak to our teachers, make sure they understand us, and our minds, and what we need. And make sure it happens.Because we deserve to be happy, and we deserve to learn, just as much as any other child in that classroom.
- Allow us to have what we need to cope, and make sure it happens
No two adults in the whole world think and work and learn the same… So how are they expecting children to do it? Sometimes, we need extra help to learn. And that’s okay.Make sure we have what we need to get through the day, whether it be noise cancelling headphones, or a sensory toy, or a weighted blanket, or break times when the world gets a little too much.Talk to our teachers, make sure they’re aware, and make sure it happens.
- Routine is good.
Change can be scary, new things can be scary, and new routines can be scary!Creating our own routine that you help us with helps us to feel safe in a time when the rest of the world can seem a little bit crazy. Morning routines consisting of the step by steps we need to do before school helps us a lot, so does a routine for after school too, as well as a calendar of upcoming events.Help us make a routine, and help us stick to it… I promise, things will be easier for everyone!
- Understand that home is our safe space
As soon as we’re home, that mask that we’ve put up just to get through one day in school will fade away and we’ll want nothing more but to be surrounded in everything that makes us feel safe, and loved.This comes in many forms, and no two of us are the same, so no two ways of our detox will be the same- but we need a space.We need a space that is ours, that’s filled with lovely things to call our own, to call our safe place. We need to be able to detox from the day with dark rooms and fairy lights and out favourite movies. We need to be able to detox by taking away all aspects of the day, and just letting ourselves be. Because school is exhausting. And most of all, dear autism parent, from your child who is starting school....6. Thank you.Thank you for fighting for us.Thank you for supporting us.Thank you for going through the hard days, and the bad days.Thank you for loving us unconditionally.Thank you for being our superheroes, and our warriors, and our very own fairytales.Because our fairytales have the ability to continue because of you.